I wish for the best
To sleep at night
I dream
I hope,
For things to get better
I just want to fit in
I just want to be normal
But I get tempted by
the devil in disguise
the devil in disguise
I do wrong doings here
and there
And it leads
Not always being true
and there
And it leads
Not always being true
I try my best
In everything I do
In everything I do
Nothing always
seems to be right
seems to be right
I just want to be a happy Person
And just live through life
Just remembering to
Always let my conscience
Be my guide
. Everyday and Everynight
Just remembering to
Always let my conscience
Be my guide
. Everyday and Everynight
I wish for the best
To sleep at night
I dream
I hope,
For things to get better
I just want to fit in
I just want to be normal
But I get tempted by
the devil in disguise
the devil in disguise
I do wrong doings here
and there
And it leads
Not always being true
and there
And it leads
Not always being true
I try my best
In everything I do
In everything I do
Nothing always
seems to be right
seems to be right
I just want to be a happy Person
And just live through life
I will remember to
Always let my conscience
Be my guide
I will remember to
Always let my conscience
Be my guide
Heeeey. Cute poem! But I think you could change the devil part. I don't know. Cause it doesn't really make sense. But if you want to keep it just change it up a little to make more sense and to transition it more better. Also, I think it'd be better if you allude to the story "pinnochio" a little more. Like add some famous quotes or something to make the reader know it's from pinichio because if you didn't tell me, I wouldn't have figured out what it alluded to. Also, I think if you change the line " Things would get better" to "for things to get better." Also switch the words life & through on the last sentence. Your poems pretty good though! Just reread through it to make some minor grammatical changes. Other then that I think your set!
ReplyDeleteYour poem contains no actual allusions to anyone or thing. By reading your poem one person would not understand what your allusion is. Remember when you use allusion you need to refer to the person/story you chose in your lyrics. You can describe the person or use some of their story in the poem but it at the same time has to connect to your own personal story. AS(1)
ReplyDeletehi kaitlyn! I couldn't tell what your poem was alluding to. After i asked you I kind of got it, but i agree with lina you should add some more things about the summary or add some quotes to make it better.
ReplyDelete