Risky
Business Rough Draft
Society’s Pressure
on teenage girls to Be Beautiful
Have
you ever thought or noticed what some teenage girls may go through in life?
Just to fit in by being pretty or popular, have nice clothes? Well there are
many risky business situations in today’s world. Some may lead to a positive
impact on their life or a negative one. With society’s pressure on teenage
girls nowadays may not be one of the highest problem, but seeing in my
perspective as a girl many girls out there are so insecure about themselves
that they try so hard to change everything on them from the outside and don’t
even bother realizing what could be affecting them from the inside.
I’m sure that everyone looks at and read magazines where you
wish you were just them, having that good worry less life & being able to
have it all. You have to think about different life styles, the people on
magazines there to up there by being famous that we nowadays were just normal
people. Some teenage girls can’t see that by all they care about are how they
look, what they wear and how to fit in so much. They have to live in today’s
world not everyone is made to be famous and pretty. Why you may ask? Because
everyone is their own individual and he or she were made to be who they truly
are, but they aren’t. Some girls try so hard to fit in that beauty is
everything to them. They have to wear make up and make sure that every pimple,
or ugly thing on there face is covered. Spending so much money on makeup isn’t
worth it. Not only that their wasting money on it, but some try to hard
covering up all that they have when they could be living a simple life by
showing who they truly are. Some reasoning’s to why girls may put on make up is
because they look prettier or they don’t want to age. What they don’t know is
that “age is but a number” everyone goes through the same thing and everyone’s
supposed to be there own being.
Another
could be watching TV and you see a girl throwing up or measuring herself all
because she thinks she’s fat, well in reality she’s already very skinny and she
just wants to be like one of those flawless models. That’s just all wrong media
nowadays think that there helping some people out in what not to do, but some
girls think that’s the reason to why there not to good looking or out there.
They think that if they starve themselves or eat and then throw everything up
is how to be skinny and healthy is not the right thing to do. Most girls don’t
realize what there doing to themselves that they end up being anorexic or get
so sick that it’s just affecting there health. They could be just eating
healthy, have a good diet or just exercise, for some people that are a hard
thing to do, but always think for what’s for the better.
Lastly,
some girls may get teased so much that that’s why they try so hard to fit in,
but everyone in life gets teased at some point. It’s all normal, but some girls
take it so hard that they do there very best to stress over what they should do
in life. Everyone has those difficult times in life, that’s why you fall hard
and supposed to be strong enough to get up and live your life to the fullest. Most
girls hurt their own precious un replaceable body and don’t even see it. They
get so sick and all stressed out to figure out what can be done to just fit in
and be the beautiful one.
All
in all, society and pressure on teenage girls can really affects teenage girls
in today’s world. It may not be one of the highest problems in today’s world,
but if you didn’t know girls are more populated and if more actually noticed in
how girls live some may want to end up like them, which they shouldn’t. Did you
know that 7 out of 10 girls aren’t good enough in whatever they do? Or that 62%
are insecure about them selves. I think that girls shouldn’t have to worry
about how they look or feel. It’s supposed to be based on who they are and what
a great impact to society they can become. Half of the nations girls are
hurting themselves just to fit in. Now if you were a girl, how would you want
to live.
Kaaaaitlyn,
ReplyDeleteSome things I like about your essay is that I can hear your voice, and how easily I can tell that it is you, and how you what you say is what many girls can relate to. Things I think you can work on is making clear what your essay is about, some grammar, making sure you have facts instead of having your essay in your perspective. Also, make sure you site where you got the information from, and that it all makes sense according to your topic. Other than that, I can't wait to see your final!
~Joyyy
Hey! Good job on your essay!! I like how you went in depth with all your arguments, but I do think that you should add more facts about our topic and such. I enjoyed the amount of personality that was put into this essay, haha. I also think that you should read over some parts & correct your grammar, such as "there" to "their" in some sentences. But I'll be looking forward to your final!
ReplyDelete- Maurice
There are many grammar errors, including tense shifts. You need research, research, and more research. You need facts, data, statistics to support all your opinions. This is a research-based essay and without it your essay becomes very weak and heavily opinionated. There should no longer be statistics in your conclusion. And also stay away from using rhetorical questions. AS(1+)
ReplyDelete